happy yule

strike that, it’s all wrong
make it more minimalist
more expensive, more pretentious
make the white people want to be here
make the music more affectionate
aioli is just mayonnaise
but it costs three dollars more
don’t you have a cardigan?
or a blazer, or a shawl?
Come again? I’ll
be honest
I don’t know what you just said
Make a reservation
to get in the spirit
You gotta pay the big bucks
to get anywhere near it
you thought I didn’t overhear it
“god blessed us with a Christmas bonus”
but see,
god doesn’t give or take
you ignorant cross-adorned bitch
enjoy your poser holiday
shame the pagans, most ironic
and remember that
don’t give a shit
about your milk and cookies.